One Ugly Leg & Death of Fuzzy - Week 6

I can’t even believe 6 weeks have passed since my ACI.  I’m halfway done with wearing my brace, praise the lord!!  And after 6 weeks I have myself ONE UGLY LEG!!  I believe that after the 12 weeks are done I will have nothing of a leg to speak of.  Let’s recap the damage this surgery has done on my leg and body…you know just for fun.  First, my calf is about a 1” smaller than the other one, which is great if I was going for that sexy unsymmetrical look.  My knee itself however has eaten that one inch my calf lost making it bigger than the other one, which helps to show off the 5” scar that I now have.  To go along with the size issue, color difference seems to be a factor as well.  As long as my braced leg is even with my body or higher my legs are the same color.  It’s when I decide to go crazy and try, you know like to CRUTCH around a bit then it turns blue.  Next is the weight gain…which so far has been 10lbs…good thing I lost 10lbs before the surgery so I guess I’m back where I started!

Yesterday at rehab I was able to ride the bike!!!  I have been going to rehab early so I can ride the bike, but I wasn’t using my braced leg.  I get some looks while my right good leg and arms are pumping away, yet my braced leg is resting.  Oh well I need to get my burn on somehow!  But now I was able to use my braced leg and do a full rotation, and with almost no pain.  It’s not pain as much as a massive stretch along the knee.  I also got to put 25% of my weight on my braced leg as I walked with crutches.  That is when I learned that I gained 10 lbs, very sad moment L.  Oh well I can’t dwell on that because it has been very nice to eat anything and everything in sight J…ah simple things in life.  Can’t say putting 25% on my leg is helping my mobility much, but it’s progress.  I'm also up to 127 on my bend...and that came with a side of screaming at the end along with an apology to everyone at rehab for disturbing them.  I think I saw my PTs next patient trying to leave after that from fear!!  Haha Just kidding, but wouldn’t that be funny!

The other huge thing going on right now is that FUZZY IS DEAD!!  I feel like I should say a word, or have a moment of silence for him………(silence)……………Ok that was good enough.  I no longer have to use my CPM machine 6 hours of the day.  Today (Saturday) is the first day without it and my knee is more stiff than normal so I have been dangling more to help with that.  I have to say that since I no longer have to CPM (yes I’m using it as a verb now) I’m not sure what to do with my free time.  Now if I lay in bed 6 hours in the daytime, I’m just considered lazy.  I had thought about going to the gym to ride the bike, but then thought I would totally freak out everyone b/c I would be crutching in to workout…oh well I still might (probably) do that anyways.  I love the shock value J. 

Now that I’m out and about more, people seem to want to talk to me about my leg and share their stories about their surgeries or family member’s surgeries.  Walmart people and waitresses seem to be the chattiest.  And apparently everyone’s mom or dad has had a knee replacement!  This is just another example how this surgery is similar to being pregnant…however praise the Lord people aren’t just coming up and touching my knee like they do stomachs of pregnant ladies.  SO AWKARD!!  Personal space people! 

I’m a Big Kid Now! - Week 5 Rehab

As much as I hate that this song is now in my head, and I have images of kiddos in pull ups learning to potty train stuck there too – it is how I am feeling right now.  Friday will mark 5 weeks since my ACI, and I’m not saying that I’m all grown up now, but it’s progress people.  Growing pains are part of this stage as well, since I feel like I should be able to do more things, then suddenly realizing that I am very mistaken!!  For example I went to a client’s house for an appointment.  (I’m an interior designer…well I’m a gimpy one right now.  And no there are no discounts on my hourly fee just b/c I’m on crutches!!)  Well I stayed much longer than my knee wanted me to and I paid dearly for it!  My knee was burning while I drove home.  That’s right as of this week I’ve been driving myself to rehab and to get Taco Bell!!  Oh sweet freedom!  I no longer feel like I’m 15 waiting on my loved ones to drive my gimpy butt to places!  Anyways for all future ACI people DON’T OVER DO IT!  I’m totally at fault for pushing myself, dang my A type personality!

Since I overdid it Tuesday my Wednesdays rehab didn’t go as well as I would have liked.  I’ve been seeing Melissa as my PT this week (it’s musical PTs at my place, I think everyone just wants to work with me J. The more the merrier I say!)  Anyways my flexion was 117 last week and Monday is was 119, but today it was down to 115, what a letdown!  But I upped the weight on the Big Girl weight machines and that’s probably why my knee hurts as I’m typing.  I’m still using my CPM machine and it helps to relieve the stiffness I feel most of the time.  And of course my leg is still locked at 0 degrees 24/7, unless I’m at rehab, using my CPM machine or showering (which I can do by myself now!)  Ice and elevation are my best friends as well as my after rehab naps I’ve grown so found of. 

Next Friday I will be able to put 25% of my weight on my leg.  Which should be interesting because the .01% weight I’m currently putting on it makes the bottom of my foot tingle.  Kinda like when it’s waking up after being asleep.  My PTs say the nerves are just firing up again and will have to get used to having contact with the ground….still a weird feeling and slightly painful sometimes.  2 weeks after that I will be up to do 50%, then 75% two weeks after that.  At 75% that’s when you go to 1 crutch, which means I’ll be able to carry my own drink into the bedroom…oh the little things of life!  That puts my projected walking date at June 8^th depending on how things go of course.

Last weekend (week 4 mark) my husband and I went on our first date since the ACI.  We went out to eat at one of our favorite places, which happens to have a straight shot to a bar table (no pun intended...ok maybe it was) so I could sit down ASAP!  It’s all about the logistics.  We also went to the movies, of course not on the same day as the dinner out, that would require too much energy!  I’ve figured out I can really only do 1 - 2 hour outing a day then I’m toast!  So I better make each outing count!!  

Cabin Fever VS Be Still and Know

Tomorrow will be 4 weeks since my ACI.  Today I’m doing well as far as the cabin fever goes, but last weekend I was very restless.  I am an extrovert, I love people and talking with them (Oh hush, I can hear my friends and family laughing in agreement!).  I found by my 3rd Fuzzy session that I was about to go crazy with anxiety.  I felt I was chained to my CPM machine and it made me scream…literally people not figuratively…ask Brad it wasn’t pretty or my finest moment (ranks up there with nude crutching).  I am thankful for my friends and family who have stopped by, given food, or taken me to get my nails done! (Thanks Bonnie!)  A special thanks to my friend Ricia who has carted my butt all around NWA for church events!  And thanks to Dawn who has stayed and listened to my ramblings many long nights.



The first week was painful, but I was on drugs and just watched TV and movies.  The next week I introduced fiction, because nonfiction was too hard to grasp still without falling asleep.  The 3rd week I was able to studying for my high school youth bible study that I am able to hobble to now.  During the 3rd week I could also get to the restroom by myself as well!!  Amazing feeling!  And as my 4th week comes to an end I am no longer on drugs so nonfiction is back on the table.  I am able to get around better and go on short trips into the real world between my rehab sessions.  But why am I searching to fill my time?


My question is why can’t I be still?  I know I am supposed to be still and just know (Psalm 46:10), but that is harder said than done especially with cabin fever and the anxiety and depression that can come with it.  I remember a few years ago I told one of my high school youth girls (you know who you are!) that they needed to work on being still before God and really listen to what he has to say.  Because only when we are still and quiet will he whisper to us.  For the Lord is in the whisper, not the wind, earthquake, or fire as Elijah found out during his depression. (1 Kings 19:11-13) 


Well here I am, needing to tell myself the same thing. (Love and hate it when everything comes back around!)  I guess when we are super busy and we finally take time to slow down and smell the day lilies (who has roses anymore??) we feel like we have really achieved something in our character growth because we have shown we can fit God into our time…how nice of us to fit him in.  But when I am faced with “all the time in the world” it’s like pulling teeth to be still….anything and everything looks good to fill my time with. Distractions, distractions, distractions are what I seek.  It’s about discipline and for this only child it’s also about instant gratification.  I want to know God better right this instant, without paying my dues…which is being still, reading his word and really listening for his whisper. 



So this is my challenge in life and where the Lord has me right now, as much as I don’t want to admit it. (De-Nile is a river in Egypt!)  I have cabin fever, but it is my choice how I will choose to spend this time (Which I know I will never have this again so I better take advantage of it!)  If I am to move on to the next life phase I must be still and know that He is Lord and not miss his whispers.  All prayers are appreciated!  

Crutching Nude & Big Girl Exercises

In 2 days it will have been 4 weeks since my ACI.  That in itself deserves applause…and an award of some kind!  I wouldn't say life is getting back to normal, unless you think crutching in the nude is normal.  (Which by the way is not sexy!...but sadly necessary)  Brad said it best when he said, “Hey looks like you are getting around a little better”.  So that’s where I am…getting around a little better.  Still it’s progress!  I am still doing my CPM machine 6-8 hours a day, why they even give you a time frame is ridiculous to me because everyone knows one only does the minimum 6 hours!! I still do the at home rehab exercises 2x a day, and icing 5-6x a day as well.  3x a week I go to my rehab place and on Friday I get to use my tipy toe for balance!!  I know that means nothing to you, but for me it means I no longer will fear losing my balance and falling over when trying to brush my teeth.  And no I’m not kidding…I don’t kid about tipy toes!

Today Mr. Chris said I was going to do “Big Girl” exercises.  And instead of taking that as an insult to my ever growing waist line, I choose to see it as MORE PROGRESS!  I actually broke a sweat today!!  I got to use a new weight machine (haven’t the foggiest clue to the name of the machine, I just know I saw a Razorback basketball player using last week so now I think I’m tuff stuff!)   I did go to rehab 15 min early to ride the bike…of course my left leg was propped up and I only peddled with my right leg and used my arms, it still felt great to actually work out a bit.  Chris said I could come early anytime to work out and that would help with my urges to want to go mental on my caregivers and friends.  Sorry Brad, Mom, Dad, Karen, and Ricia…I’ve been a bit stir crazy and feel I need to apologize…but progress because I now have a way to vent my pinned up energy, praise the lord!!  Chris also said I could start driving on my own!!  Ok well he didn't so much as come out and say that as I begged, pleaded and gave him 50 bucks for him to tell my mom that I could.  I feel 15 about to turn 16 all over again since I can drive on my own now!!!  Who needs a ride people??!

My quad muscle is still on vacation.  I think I saw it move about an 1/8 of an inch today, but only twice and it took so much concentration I got a headache!  It also wore me out so I took a nap.  Gesh I’m out of shape!! I will continue to work on that because quite frankly having one atrophied leg is not a sexy look!  Especially since my family booked a cruise yesterday for later in the year!!!  I need my legs to be the same size as I then will hopefully walk without a limp across the pool deck showing off my 5" scar!  Note to future ACI patients….have an amazing vacation planned 7-9 months from your surgery date so there is something to look forward.  Also try to not have 3 surgeries in 6 months, because it’s a killer on the quad!

Week 3 Rehab

Rehab protocol for an ACI patient is the same as the advice given by Mr. Turtle.  Slow and steady wins the race.  Speaking of races (bad segue I know, I’m on Demerol today people so give me a break!) part of the pitch doctors use to get suckers (oops I mean patients) to agree to an ACI is that you will be able to run a marathon because your knee will feel so much better.  I say forget the marathon, I’ll take their word for it that my knee could survive one, and I’ll be happy with walking up the stairs with no pain!  Anyways I digress, back to rehab with Mr. Chris at my doctor’s office.  (I told him I was going to write about him!)

Chris (also known as my “Kind Torturer” because he really is a nice guy, but he did make me cry a bit during yesterday’s session) starts off my rehab with what is called dangling, where I literally hang my leg off the table at a 90 degree angle.  This exercise is to help with my flexion and as a bonus makes my new forming scar stretch and feel funny.  FYI the areas around the scar are numb, which they say is normal, but it feels (or doesn’t feel) really weird.  We then move on to the stair exercise, in which today I raised my foot off the ground and up to the 18” step….that’s really good because last week I was only on the 6” step.  Baby steps right?!  I then do a weight machine to help with…well I’m not sure what it exactly helps, but I’m taking Chris’s word that it does.  Then we begin the real torture….recording my flexion.  A process that requires Chris to push back on my knee while in the dangling position as far as I can bear it and then takes the measurement.  Today I was at 115 yay go me.  Next my quad muscle gets electrocuted, which is not a fun feeling but quite fun to say.  It’s to help my poor hibernated quad to come out and play, something it does not want to do after 3 surgeries in the last 6 months.  Next we ice, which is one of my favorite parts…ok ok it’s my only actual favorite part -  the rest is mandatory and much needed to get me back to running my marathons right?  I do love talking to all the PTs and other patients...that scar and tell thing is addicting!

Post Op #2

Ok back to my regular scheduled blogging.

Today was my first time to meet with my doctor after my ACI.  (Remember he was on the beach during my first! Or at least that’s where I’m imagining him to be.) It was a short appointment, well the actual appointment was short, the waiting time was much longer.  Oh well good time to chat with people in the 2^nd waiting room (that’s right they have a 2 waiting room system, my doctors office is bigger than yours!).  Nothing brings strangers together more than dishing about their wounds and playing scar and tell.  I was about 30 years younger than most of my fellow patients today yet I’ve had at least double the surgeries.  (4 scopes and 1 ACI)  Good times.

The doctor said my scar was healing well and I just needed to stay on the program my PT has set for me.  For all those who care I did ask him about why he used a porcine graft instead of my own tissue.  His answer was that Carticel and the graft are from different companies and therefore don’t market themselves together.  But reps for both “products” do suggest combining them.  There are several studies that show the benefits of the porcine graft, a major one being  that a post ACI scope is not as likely because of overgrowth of my cells. (Which I did read before my ACI, however did not discuss with my doctor, or at least I don’t remember talking with him about it.  It’s been a long process and so some details might have escaped me!)  Either way I’m pleased that I’m part piggy!

Routine

Since my ACI surgery, I've had more time to think and ponder (you can only watch so many movies and read so many books!)  This blog post is different from my other posts, but it's something I've been thinking about.  Enjoy!

It’s funny that in just 13 days after a major knee surgery my life feels normal….or at least a new normal.  I asked Brad if he was tired of helping me and he said, “No not really, we have a pretty good routine down now”.  A routine?  In just 13 days we have a routine down, which means a sequence of actions regularly followed; a fixed program.  Why is it that as human beings we crave routine?  We love the same things to happen over and over again.  Someone famous said (which of course I don’t know who!) that the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.  So if we demand a fixed program in our lives so we can feel normal, what do we expect the results of that to be?  Some would say they expect their lives to be easier when they follow a routine. So the longer they are on a routine the easier their life will be, which means each day they expect their results to be better, ie a different or improved result from doing the same thing over and over again.  Isn’t that by definition, insane?   

Maybe it’s not crazy?  Maybe it’s our motives behind why we do our routines that is insane.  Let’s take another perspective like my knee rehab for instance.  Every day I have to do the same thing over and over again.  Three times a day for two hours I hang out with Fuzzy my CPM machine.  Then two times a day I have to do my at home exercises which take 30 minutes each time.  Added to this I ice my knee after every event (for those of you who are counting that’s 5 times a day of icing) which takes another 30 minutes.  From this routine I expect my knee to get better, which praise the Lord I have seen small improvements!  (FYI, I can now lift my foot to the second step on the stairs instead of the first!)  So why do I do this routine?  I do it because I want to walk one day and improve my quality of life.  Why do others do their routine, why do you do your routine? 

Some might do it to improve their quality of life, but others do it so that there is something in their lives that they can control. The normal life they crave which is achieved through routine is all done in vain in order to control their surroundings so that nothing bad (or good for that matter) will surprise them.  It’s how they were raised and how they plan to raise their children.  Be safe, do a routine forever and control your surroundings so your fear will be at bay.  I know this well because I myself am a controller. 

For one of the first times in my life I am still.  I have no real job besides rehab and that leaves plenty of time for thinking and pondering my life and what I want to do next with it.  But unlike a lot of people’s routine, I know my rehab routine is temporary, and the end result is that I will walk again with less pain.  I just pray that when I can walk again I don’t slide back into crazy where I do my daily planned activities expecting an improved result; which really just means I feebly attempt to control my anxiety about future unknown events.  Even though I know, “do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand”.  (Isaiah 41:10)

(FYI it was Einstein who I quoted about insanity, thanks Brad! - He is so smart :)