You had knee surgery???

It’s been so long since I've updated my blog I’m sure people who have been trying to keep up with me forgot I had blog or even had surgery last year.  I’m so sorry I haven’t updated sooner.  There are several good and bad reasons why it’s taken me a while to get back into writing.  Ok so let’s look at the timeline first.  My last post I was 18 weeks out and I am now 58 weeks out from surgery.  I’m been MIA in blogging, but the effects of the ACI surgery have not been MIA. 

My last post I was doing rehab on my own and was doing really well at making it to the gym 3-4 times a week.  My quad had not fully returned, but it was stronger each day.  Then my work activities started to take over which is the only good reason why I did not continue to update my blog.  My business really took off and I was working everyday all day.  Which is good for the normal person’s knee, however for mine is was really bad.  The next four months were what I like to call “my dark period” and I wasn't too keen on sharing those times with anyone b/c they were not pretty or encouraging.  However that really wasn't fair not to share everything so I’m sorry and would like to try and fill in the blanks now.

I did not do any, I REPEAT, ANY rehab exercises during those 4 months.  Even though I was walking and lifting a lot due to my interior design profession my quad was not getting any stronger…which is when my PT later said DUH!!?  I was so focused on working (gotta pay the bills people!).  I thought about doing the exercises at home and skip the gym, but by the time I got home every day I was exhausted and just wanted to ice my knee and go to bed.  I became very stressed and upset that my knee was not better by that time and started to question whether I should have had the surgery at all.  This train of thought was not productive and lead to many pity parties and “ugly cry sessions”.  I fell several times during this time which didn't help my confidence  My quad was so weak that when I put all my weight on my bad knee without the support of my other leg I would do a nose dive every time.  This happen a lot when I would pivot and try to change directions.  For example I was cooking at the stove and I look my bad leg and pivoted it to my left and back to go to the sink without turning my body first.  My husband during all this remained supportive, but he like everyone else did not know really what to do for me.  It was easier to help me when I couldn't help myself, but since now I was mobile there really wasn't much for them to do.

The wake-up call happened in Dec for my 9 month appt.  Dr Arnold was not pleased with where I was at, can’t say I blame him.  Last time I saw him was at my 6 month mark and that was when I was doing rehab and was progressing.  I was supposed to see him at the 8 month mark but I was so stressed and upset during that time I moved my appt a month later in hopes I could regain some quad muscle during that month… didn't happen L.  Dr Arnold said that he would give me 3 months to prove to him that the problems I was having were really due to me not going to rehab and if I couldn't do that then it must be b/c something was wrong with my graft area and he would then want to have another surgery.  That would be #6 surgery.  Looking back now I’m sure that was just a trick to get me back into rehab, but who cares b/c IT WORKED!!!  I made an appt with my PT and back to rehab I went!  I then went to appts 3x a week for 2 months and then 2x a week for the 3^rd month.  I stared scheduling my works appts better giving myself more space and balance in my life.  I’m not saying I was perfect, but it was such an improvement that when I went to see my doctor in March for my 1 year he smiled big!!  My quad was firing on my own!!  It was so cool to have a little control over that muscle!! And it really didn't take as long as one would think, but I just had to stay consistent (story of our lives isn't it!)  My next appt will be at the 1.5 year mark.

Since my 1 year appt with my doctor (mid March) I have been doing rehab on my own at my local gym.  

With the exception of a couple crazy weeks I have been doing so much better!  My knee feels better and I am allowed to start to run!!!  YES RUN!!! Something I have not done in over 1.5 years!  Now I've never been a marathon runner (and I’m not staring now!) but the kind of running I would like to do is from the grocery store to my car when it rains!  Or from the car to the gym when it rains…are you seeing the pattern? I’d like to run to get out of the rain J.  I haven’t had the courage to run yet, unless you count the time (yes it was raining) when I sorta ran/skipped/hustled from the car to a clients house.  It felt awkward and I’m glad no one saw me, at least I hope no one say me.  I’m sure someone did and laughed!

So there everyone is updated now J.  Don’t we all feel better now! I will promise to continue to update this blog in a timelier manner.  If you have questions please leave comments.  

Where Has the Time Gone?? – 18 Weeks

The end of this week marks 18 Weeks since my ACI surgery.  I’m so sorry I haven’t updated sooner.  Since going crutch free a 6 weeks ago, life has really gotten back to normal ie – Busy.  Which is a far cry from the first couple of months of this process! 

The best way to think to update on the last month is to break it down into What Has Stayed the Same vs. What has Changed.

What Has Stayed the Same – My knee still swells almost every day which requires icing it several times a day or at the very least once at the end of the day.   I go to my local gym to do my own rehab 3-4 times a week to strengthen my knee and quad.  And for all you who are wondering my quad is still pretty wimpy and atrophied - a very sexy non symmetrical summer look.  I still where my Don Joy brace almost every day, it helps the knee not to swell and ache as much.  Last Friday I left the house without it and I could have kicked myself for not getting it, my knee was screaming at me at the end of the day!  Lesson learned = wear the ugly brace that cause strange tan lines because it’s worth it!  When I go out to dinner, or sit during church/movie I still need to elevate my leg to reduce swelling.  Also my flexion seems to have maxed out, I’m not sure what my number is but I will check today when I go to my last rehab appointment. 

What has Changed – I no longer go to rehab at my doctor’s office with a PT!!  Well that is after my last appointment today.  I have not been in 4 weeks and today’s appt is to track my progress on my own.  I am able to do all the rehab exercises at my local gym, which helps on the pocket book!  I have been cleared for the last month to use the elliptical and ladies and gents it has changed my cardio world!  I never thought I would say that I missed that machine, but I apparently did!  Of course using it for 15 mins yesterday my knee seems more swollen than normal, which with my luck would happen today on my last rehab day!!  Gesh can’t a gimpy girl get a break! 

Probably the best change in the last month is that I can schedule multiple activities in a day.  If Brad and I want to go to the movies and out to eat in the same night I CAN!  That is if I haven’t had a huge work day that made me tired.  As of Jan of this year I started my own design business and it has really kept me busy, but I still have to be careful how I schedule appointments, more specifically how many I make in a day/week.  But for example my friend Ricia and I went to the Famers Market Saturday and walked around/ate lunch for over 3 hours.  I went home and iced my knee and rested a couple of hours, then went out to dinner and to a movie.  Granted that was a very very full day and was the max of my activities for a few days.  I’m still trying to learn balance, and when I think I get the hang of it life decides to add activities (even fun ones) that zap my energy.    

After 18 weeks I still can’t say that I’m in less pain that I was before I had my ACI, if I’m being honest, which helps when writing a blog J.  I was a grad 4 (which is bad) but I wasn’t in extreme pain before the ACI.  I just needed the surgery before any bone damaged occurred which my doctor said is when the real pain starts.  I’m glad I did the surgery (only if you ask me that now…if you asked that the first 2 months forget it I'd have said Heck NO!) because I can feel and see the potential that my knee will have.  But it still is uncomfortable and aches most days.  But as I always have to remind myself – IT’S PROGRESS!

FULL WEIGHT BEARING – The Crutch-less Girl – Week 12 & 13

Last week I was able to drop the crutch and walk without any aidJ.  Very happy camper now!  Although when I was walking down the hallway at rehab I suddenly realized that I didn't know what to do with my hands while I walked.  For the past 3 months I have either been in a wheel chair, or had one or both hands occupied with crutches.  For the first time I can carry a purse and hold Brad’s hand at the same time!  I can carry my cup of coffee, Bible and my breakfast plate at the same time!  You never realize how the simple things in life can be amazing until they are taken away from you.

Walking on my own is great, but it is also scary.  I don’t trust my left knee like I used too, we need more time together to get reacquainted and my knee needs strengthened.  When I went to the gym the first time without my crutch I had complete strangers come up to me and express their excitement over my new found walking ability.  Not sure if I was excited with them or just plain scared people were watching me while I worked out.  Either way there I was at the gym alone without my husband or crutch to lean on.  It went pretty well until I came to a free weight leg press and found that some body builder left over 200lbs on the machine.  FYI next time weight lifters please remove the weights that weigh more than me!!  Even though I am able to walk with my own body weight, I cannot however carry more than my weight…..yet!      

Other than the gym, I am now able to go grocery shopping again by myself!  It’s great that the things that made my eyes roll before now make me feel like I’ve own a trip to Disney World!  I’ve only gone to the natural food store and the neighborhood market because they are smaller scale stores.  I haven’t attempted the Walmart Super Center yet, but Kohl’s and I are good friends againJ.  I also get to use the cart as a walker so that helps a lot.  Although when I get home from any of these stores I have to ice my knee due to swelling. I’ve noticed I have more swelling now that I’m walking free and clear.  It’s all about balance, which is the major lesson I’ve been learning through these last 3 months.

I’m only going to rehab once a week now, and after this week we will drop it down to every other week.  In order to do this I have to go to the gym during the week, which I need to do anyway so that works out. (No pun intended…ok well a little bit intended)  While I was at rehab last week I got fitted for a Don Joy off loader brace (I chose silver just in case you wanted to know).  It’s supposed to push my knee in a way that will relieve the spongy cartilage and give it more time to heal, but will allow me to partake in activities. Let the Bucket List making begin! 

That’s about all the change and update for this ACI patient.  

Too Much…but Not Enough – Week 11

This week I have learned that I’m human.  I know it’s a shock, but it is true.  I can only do so much and when I think I can do more then I’m not being real with myself.  Unfortunately thinking about doing more is not all I did this week…I also tried and failed at doing more.  Let me explain.  I’m able to put 75% of my weight on knee which allows me to use just one crutch.  Well what would you do with that free hand??  Probably what I did, which was to carry everything that I've wanted to carry into another room but couldn’t for the last 3 months.  Needless to say I overdid it.  Not only in the carrying part did I overdo it, but in my work life as well.  All the while going to the gym 2x plus rehab this week.  I've bitten off more than I can chew and need to take it slow.  It seems like I have enough energy to get myself food (which makes a mess) and get to the gym or a work appointment for the day (which makes a mess), but then can’t quite clean up the messes I make throughout the day.  A fact I want to change because I don’t want Brad to have to clean up after me forever, which he informed me he agreed J

So future ACI patients or anyone after a surgery TAKE IT SLOW for as long as you can.  I know that I’m doing too much in some areas of my life, but not enough in others and trying to find the balance of it all is a struggle and a process.  Some days are better than others, and other days I make bad decisions.  I feel like the old saying, “two steps forward and one back”.  I just want to PRAISE THE LORD that it’s not more steps back than forward at the end of this.  I’ve been told today to give myself a break, which is hard to do for a self motivating Type A personality, but that’s exactly where God has me right now and I want to be obedient and learn the lessons I am to learn. 

Will post more next week when I can do FULL WEIGHT BEARING!!

  

The Crutch Girl takes on the Gym – Week 10

This week I added another first since my ACI.  The firsts have been slowing down a bit lately so I’m happy to have one to report about.  THE GYM!!!  A place in which I frequented often before my surgeries, but lately have only been seeing it show up on my online bank account. L  Gotta love paying for things you don’t use.  Brad and I decided it was about time for both of us to get back into the swing of things, especially with a couple cruises coming up.  Yes you heard me right, 2 cruises….Now I know everyone who reads this will be green with envy, but I would gladly give you my two cruises if you would have stepped in and had the ACI for me J.

Brad and I pulled into the parking spot in front of the gym.  You would think we would use the handicap spot but believe it or not there are some parking spots that get you closer to the front door than the gimpy spots.  Once inside it took 10 minutes to get past the front desk girl who told me how dedicated I was showing up to the gym on crutches and wanted to know all about the cause.  Correction – It is not dedication that got me to go into the gym this week, it was sheen boredom from staying at home combined with how my body has changed (and not in the most glamorous way).  Once I got past her it was a clear path to the bike to start my warm up.  I had wondered if I would get stares from other gym goers because I was on crutches, but I’m happy to report no such stares occurred.  Unless you count the look and smile from an elderly man sporting a cane…I think he was just happy there was another gimp around.  Once Brad was satisfied that I wouldn’t fall off the bike he left to start his routine, while I cycled away for 10 minutes.  I then proceeded to the “girl” section of the gym (the weight machines) because I didn’t feel like beating the body builders with my crutches to claim a free weight spot.  And I felt I was less likely to fall over while on a machine.  And after 20 minutes and only 5 machines I was ready to die.  Not kidding I could have passed out on the gym floor if I was sure I wouldn’t contract some nasty disease.  But all in all the trip was good…it made my rehab the next day a little tougher because of sore muscles, but I’m happy to report death did not occur and my regular scheduled blogging will continue. 

Today at rehab I was able to put 75% of my weight on my leg.  It was super exciting!!  And kinda scary.  Since my surgery on March 16 everyone has told me multiple times to BE CAREFUL and that my knee is in protection mode.  So when they tell me to go ahead and walk with 75% of my weight, it almost feels like a cruel joke.  At this point the cartilage in my knee is a spongy material so I still have to be careful not to twist or jam my knee, but it is able to hold some weight.  Chris also told me that I can drop down to 1 session a week since I was going to the gym now (ok he told me I didn’t have to come in till June 7 when I am full weight bearing, but I wasn’t ready to break up with them yet so I kept one session for next week…you know just in case…I did have a relapse a few weeks ago and I don’t want that to happen again). 

Until my next session I will continue to do life with one crutch.  I can already tell my leg/knee gets worn out quicker so again I have to be careful how much I can take on.  But I can tell my quad is getting stronger and am able to control my leg more and lift it to positions I was not able to do so before.  It helps out tremendously while showering and shaving my legs!  You know what I’m talking about ladies!  Also one of the best decisions I have made lately was to quit my job at an interior design store and start my own business so I could focus on my rehab.  If you are able to take off a full 3 months for this surgery please do so!!!  I am the master of my own schedule and I feel that can only help with my recovery.  10 weeks down!  Progress!

½ My Weight is Still More than a 5th Grader! Week 8 & 9

I’m behind on my blogging…which I take as a good sign because I’m regaining parts of my life back and well folks I’m just getting busy J.  Week 8 was written last week just FYI.

Week 8

This week I have been upgraded to using half of my body weight on my bad leg as I crutch.  I’m still using 2 crutches for now, but at 75% body weight I will be using just 1 crutch!  Praise the Lord!  I’ll be able to carry things with my free hang instead of shoving my clothes full of stuff.  But for now let the shoving and back pack carrier continue for 2 more weeks.  It feels very odd to have ½ my weight on my bum leg, it definitely makes the crutching much slower.  Mostly because I really have to think about what does ½ my weight feel like when crutching…it’s not like I have a scale with me with every step to make sure I don’t go over.  I have to guess the amount of a 5th grader then decide if my leg will take on that weight.  After 8 weeks I can say that the bottom of my foot is less tingly now that I’m putting more weight on it, which is good because for a while there I was afraid I would eat dirt every time I tried to walk!  My foot doesn't turn quite as blue as fast now either.  Don’t get me wrong after too long of time I still become kin to a smurf if I don’t get it elevated.  After 8 weeks my scar has become a strange purple color and is around 5-6” long depending on how bent my knee is.  I ordered SwarAway from Amazon to lessen its appearance, but it’s a 12 week program so I’ll have to let you know later if it works…here’s hoping!    

Week 9 – Death to Fuzzy….AGAIN!

As I reported before I had to take Fuzzy back because my flexion was decreasing from the 120’s to 115.  After only one week of CPMing (yes I totally just made that a verb!) My flexion jumped to 125 and 126 J.  Very happy!!  I continued to use it for the next week, but really the only thing it helped me to do was rest more.  Since the machine only goes to 110 it doesn’t help your knee if you are pass that.  So I turned him in again so he can torture another patient.  This week I was able to hit 135 and 137 on my flexion and most of that is due to stretching.  I put my foot on the 3rd step on my stairs (or my kitchen chair when I don’t feel like using the stairs) and I lean into the stretch.  It looks kinda like the creepy guy stretching at the gym to impress the ladies but since I am neither at a gym nor a dude I’m ok with the creepiness!   

I’m still only allowed to put 50% of my weight on my leg while crutching and I have to say it’s so tempting to go to 1 crutch.  There is no pain when I put the weight down which is amazing!  Although I kinda sorta used one crutch yesterday (Don’t tell my PTs!!) to go to a natural food store to load up on my gluten free foods.  (Yes another annoying part of my life).  If my PTs do end up reading this I will confess I used the cart as my other crutch.  Now see doesn’t that make you feel better.  Although funny story about my first shopping trip….I parked in my handicapped spot (which I get to do till June 30 almost 3 weeks after I’m full weight baring and FYI I’m going to enjoy every minute of it even if I get death stares from the Grandparents of the world who wanted that parking spot!) and hobbled to the front of the store.  Just as I was about 10 feet from the door a car dropped off a man who was on crutches too.  We had that awkward staring contest, and then we both smiled and hobbled in to the store at the same time.  Gotta say it was hard to get the sympathy looks when I was only using 1 crutch and a cart while this guy was on 2 and had a boot on his foot.  All in all it was a good first trip to the store by myself.  When I got back into the car I texted my husband, “YES I did it myself!!”  It’s the small victories in life right now, and it’s progress.  

The Mental Side….

I want to write about the mental side of this surgery, something in which cannot be fully understood unless you have traveled the same road.  Not being able to walk without the aid of crutches for 3 months sounds annoying on paper, but is also depressing and painful in real life.  So much so I need to give myself a pep talk almost every morning that this too will be over at some point and I pray that my knee will be healed.  I can no longer jump out of bed to go do things or retrieve something.  Every one of my steps has to be planned out and I have to look for obstacles in my way that would trip me up.  And forget carrying anything for a great distance.  I have figured out how to stuff my clothes with things (thanks to my adult sippy cup and the aid of zip lock backs to carry food!).  My back pack also helps me get things from one room to another which is a great help even though I look like a college student cramming for finals.

My husband said it best, “In what way does it make sense to cut someone open to make them better?”  They have to rip open my skin to see what is hiding in the depths.  And after they do this there are no guarantees that my knee will fully recover, just good odds.  Every day I look at my scar and try to imagine all the things the doctors have done to my knee just underneath the surface to bring healing.  I cannot see what they have done, I can only feel the painful effects and hope on the promise of healing and new life. 

Isn’t this just like my relationship with my Creator?  Sometimes I feel I do not see Him in my life, but He is always just underneath my surface.  And I am reminded that He is working because of my scars I bear for Him.  I feel pain of the fire as He refines and molds me.  He has to cut me open and expose my hidden sinful depths before I can begin the long process of changing my character.  He promises healing and new life just as my doctors have for my knee, but praise the Lord He has better odds than my knee recovery does!   Healing from this is not easy, I have to do the work to get to my end goal.  I cannot sit back and “let” life happen.  I have to be an active participant in my life and make the hard decisions to keep going.  It is very painful, but I am not alone.  You are not alone. 

Surrounding me is great support during this strange stage of my life, and I want to thank every one of them.  Thank you for reminding me that this too shall pass, and I will be stronger because of it.        

For today this blog serves as my pep talk, that as of now (almost 2 months in) I cannot walk without crutches but I will soon.