Where Has the Time Gone?? – 18 Weeks

The end of this week marks 18 Weeks since my ACI surgery.  I’m so sorry I haven’t updated sooner.  Since going crutch free a 6 weeks ago, life has really gotten back to normal ie – Busy.  Which is a far cry from the first couple of months of this process! 

The best way to think to update on the last month is to break it down into What Has Stayed the Same vs. What has Changed.

What Has Stayed the Same – My knee still swells almost every day which requires icing it several times a day or at the very least once at the end of the day.   I go to my local gym to do my own rehab 3-4 times a week to strengthen my knee and quad.  And for all you who are wondering my quad is still pretty wimpy and atrophied - a very sexy non symmetrical summer look.  I still where my Don Joy brace almost every day, it helps the knee not to swell and ache as much.  Last Friday I left the house without it and I could have kicked myself for not getting it, my knee was screaming at me at the end of the day!  Lesson learned = wear the ugly brace that cause strange tan lines because it’s worth it!  When I go out to dinner, or sit during church/movie I still need to elevate my leg to reduce swelling.  Also my flexion seems to have maxed out, I’m not sure what my number is but I will check today when I go to my last rehab appointment. 

What has Changed – I no longer go to rehab at my doctor’s office with a PT!!  Well that is after my last appointment today.  I have not been in 4 weeks and today’s appt is to track my progress on my own.  I am able to do all the rehab exercises at my local gym, which helps on the pocket book!  I have been cleared for the last month to use the elliptical and ladies and gents it has changed my cardio world!  I never thought I would say that I missed that machine, but I apparently did!  Of course using it for 15 mins yesterday my knee seems more swollen than normal, which with my luck would happen today on my last rehab day!!  Gesh can’t a gimpy girl get a break! 

Probably the best change in the last month is that I can schedule multiple activities in a day.  If Brad and I want to go to the movies and out to eat in the same night I CAN!  That is if I haven’t had a huge work day that made me tired.  As of Jan of this year I started my own design business and it has really kept me busy, but I still have to be careful how I schedule appointments, more specifically how many I make in a day/week.  But for example my friend Ricia and I went to the Famers Market Saturday and walked around/ate lunch for over 3 hours.  I went home and iced my knee and rested a couple of hours, then went out to dinner and to a movie.  Granted that was a very very full day and was the max of my activities for a few days.  I’m still trying to learn balance, and when I think I get the hang of it life decides to add activities (even fun ones) that zap my energy.    

After 18 weeks I still can’t say that I’m in less pain that I was before I had my ACI, if I’m being honest, which helps when writing a blog J.  I was a grad 4 (which is bad) but I wasn’t in extreme pain before the ACI.  I just needed the surgery before any bone damaged occurred which my doctor said is when the real pain starts.  I’m glad I did the surgery (only if you ask me that now…if you asked that the first 2 months forget it I'd have said Heck NO!) because I can feel and see the potential that my knee will have.  But it still is uncomfortable and aches most days.  But as I always have to remind myself – IT’S PROGRESS!

FULL WEIGHT BEARING – The Crutch-less Girl – Week 12 & 13

Last week I was able to drop the crutch and walk without any aidJ.  Very happy camper now!  Although when I was walking down the hallway at rehab I suddenly realized that I didn't know what to do with my hands while I walked.  For the past 3 months I have either been in a wheel chair, or had one or both hands occupied with crutches.  For the first time I can carry a purse and hold Brad’s hand at the same time!  I can carry my cup of coffee, Bible and my breakfast plate at the same time!  You never realize how the simple things in life can be amazing until they are taken away from you.

Walking on my own is great, but it is also scary.  I don’t trust my left knee like I used too, we need more time together to get reacquainted and my knee needs strengthened.  When I went to the gym the first time without my crutch I had complete strangers come up to me and express their excitement over my new found walking ability.  Not sure if I was excited with them or just plain scared people were watching me while I worked out.  Either way there I was at the gym alone without my husband or crutch to lean on.  It went pretty well until I came to a free weight leg press and found that some body builder left over 200lbs on the machine.  FYI next time weight lifters please remove the weights that weigh more than me!!  Even though I am able to walk with my own body weight, I cannot however carry more than my weight…..yet!      

Other than the gym, I am now able to go grocery shopping again by myself!  It’s great that the things that made my eyes roll before now make me feel like I’ve own a trip to Disney World!  I’ve only gone to the natural food store and the neighborhood market because they are smaller scale stores.  I haven’t attempted the Walmart Super Center yet, but Kohl’s and I are good friends againJ.  I also get to use the cart as a walker so that helps a lot.  Although when I get home from any of these stores I have to ice my knee due to swelling. I’ve noticed I have more swelling now that I’m walking free and clear.  It’s all about balance, which is the major lesson I’ve been learning through these last 3 months.

I’m only going to rehab once a week now, and after this week we will drop it down to every other week.  In order to do this I have to go to the gym during the week, which I need to do anyway so that works out. (No pun intended…ok well a little bit intended)  While I was at rehab last week I got fitted for a Don Joy off loader brace (I chose silver just in case you wanted to know).  It’s supposed to push my knee in a way that will relieve the spongy cartilage and give it more time to heal, but will allow me to partake in activities. Let the Bucket List making begin! 

That’s about all the change and update for this ACI patient.  

Too Much…but Not Enough – Week 11

This week I have learned that I’m human.  I know it’s a shock, but it is true.  I can only do so much and when I think I can do more then I’m not being real with myself.  Unfortunately thinking about doing more is not all I did this week…I also tried and failed at doing more.  Let me explain.  I’m able to put 75% of my weight on knee which allows me to use just one crutch.  Well what would you do with that free hand??  Probably what I did, which was to carry everything that I've wanted to carry into another room but couldn’t for the last 3 months.  Needless to say I overdid it.  Not only in the carrying part did I overdo it, but in my work life as well.  All the while going to the gym 2x plus rehab this week.  I've bitten off more than I can chew and need to take it slow.  It seems like I have enough energy to get myself food (which makes a mess) and get to the gym or a work appointment for the day (which makes a mess), but then can’t quite clean up the messes I make throughout the day.  A fact I want to change because I don’t want Brad to have to clean up after me forever, which he informed me he agreed J

So future ACI patients or anyone after a surgery TAKE IT SLOW for as long as you can.  I know that I’m doing too much in some areas of my life, but not enough in others and trying to find the balance of it all is a struggle and a process.  Some days are better than others, and other days I make bad decisions.  I feel like the old saying, “two steps forward and one back”.  I just want to PRAISE THE LORD that it’s not more steps back than forward at the end of this.  I’ve been told today to give myself a break, which is hard to do for a self motivating Type A personality, but that’s exactly where God has me right now and I want to be obedient and learn the lessons I am to learn. 

Will post more next week when I can do FULL WEIGHT BEARING!!

  

The Crutch Girl takes on the Gym – Week 10

This week I added another first since my ACI.  The firsts have been slowing down a bit lately so I’m happy to have one to report about.  THE GYM!!!  A place in which I frequented often before my surgeries, but lately have only been seeing it show up on my online bank account. L  Gotta love paying for things you don’t use.  Brad and I decided it was about time for both of us to get back into the swing of things, especially with a couple cruises coming up.  Yes you heard me right, 2 cruises….Now I know everyone who reads this will be green with envy, but I would gladly give you my two cruises if you would have stepped in and had the ACI for me J.

Brad and I pulled into the parking spot in front of the gym.  You would think we would use the handicap spot but believe it or not there are some parking spots that get you closer to the front door than the gimpy spots.  Once inside it took 10 minutes to get past the front desk girl who told me how dedicated I was showing up to the gym on crutches and wanted to know all about the cause.  Correction – It is not dedication that got me to go into the gym this week, it was sheen boredom from staying at home combined with how my body has changed (and not in the most glamorous way).  Once I got past her it was a clear path to the bike to start my warm up.  I had wondered if I would get stares from other gym goers because I was on crutches, but I’m happy to report no such stares occurred.  Unless you count the look and smile from an elderly man sporting a cane…I think he was just happy there was another gimp around.  Once Brad was satisfied that I wouldn’t fall off the bike he left to start his routine, while I cycled away for 10 minutes.  I then proceeded to the “girl” section of the gym (the weight machines) because I didn’t feel like beating the body builders with my crutches to claim a free weight spot.  And I felt I was less likely to fall over while on a machine.  And after 20 minutes and only 5 machines I was ready to die.  Not kidding I could have passed out on the gym floor if I was sure I wouldn’t contract some nasty disease.  But all in all the trip was good…it made my rehab the next day a little tougher because of sore muscles, but I’m happy to report death did not occur and my regular scheduled blogging will continue. 

Today at rehab I was able to put 75% of my weight on my leg.  It was super exciting!!  And kinda scary.  Since my surgery on March 16 everyone has told me multiple times to BE CAREFUL and that my knee is in protection mode.  So when they tell me to go ahead and walk with 75% of my weight, it almost feels like a cruel joke.  At this point the cartilage in my knee is a spongy material so I still have to be careful not to twist or jam my knee, but it is able to hold some weight.  Chris also told me that I can drop down to 1 session a week since I was going to the gym now (ok he told me I didn’t have to come in till June 7 when I am full weight bearing, but I wasn’t ready to break up with them yet so I kept one session for next week…you know just in case…I did have a relapse a few weeks ago and I don’t want that to happen again). 

Until my next session I will continue to do life with one crutch.  I can already tell my leg/knee gets worn out quicker so again I have to be careful how much I can take on.  But I can tell my quad is getting stronger and am able to control my leg more and lift it to positions I was not able to do so before.  It helps out tremendously while showering and shaving my legs!  You know what I’m talking about ladies!  Also one of the best decisions I have made lately was to quit my job at an interior design store and start my own business so I could focus on my rehab.  If you are able to take off a full 3 months for this surgery please do so!!!  I am the master of my own schedule and I feel that can only help with my recovery.  10 weeks down!  Progress!

½ My Weight is Still More than a 5th Grader! Week 8 & 9

I’m behind on my blogging…which I take as a good sign because I’m regaining parts of my life back and well folks I’m just getting busy J.  Week 8 was written last week just FYI.

Week 8

This week I have been upgraded to using half of my body weight on my bad leg as I crutch.  I’m still using 2 crutches for now, but at 75% body weight I will be using just 1 crutch!  Praise the Lord!  I’ll be able to carry things with my free hang instead of shoving my clothes full of stuff.  But for now let the shoving and back pack carrier continue for 2 more weeks.  It feels very odd to have ½ my weight on my bum leg, it definitely makes the crutching much slower.  Mostly because I really have to think about what does ½ my weight feel like when crutching…it’s not like I have a scale with me with every step to make sure I don’t go over.  I have to guess the amount of a 5th grader then decide if my leg will take on that weight.  After 8 weeks I can say that the bottom of my foot is less tingly now that I’m putting more weight on it, which is good because for a while there I was afraid I would eat dirt every time I tried to walk!  My foot doesn't turn quite as blue as fast now either.  Don’t get me wrong after too long of time I still become kin to a smurf if I don’t get it elevated.  After 8 weeks my scar has become a strange purple color and is around 5-6” long depending on how bent my knee is.  I ordered SwarAway from Amazon to lessen its appearance, but it’s a 12 week program so I’ll have to let you know later if it works…here’s hoping!    

Week 9 – Death to Fuzzy….AGAIN!

As I reported before I had to take Fuzzy back because my flexion was decreasing from the 120’s to 115.  After only one week of CPMing (yes I totally just made that a verb!) My flexion jumped to 125 and 126 J.  Very happy!!  I continued to use it for the next week, but really the only thing it helped me to do was rest more.  Since the machine only goes to 110 it doesn’t help your knee if you are pass that.  So I turned him in again so he can torture another patient.  This week I was able to hit 135 and 137 on my flexion and most of that is due to stretching.  I put my foot on the 3rd step on my stairs (or my kitchen chair when I don’t feel like using the stairs) and I lean into the stretch.  It looks kinda like the creepy guy stretching at the gym to impress the ladies but since I am neither at a gym nor a dude I’m ok with the creepiness!   

I’m still only allowed to put 50% of my weight on my leg while crutching and I have to say it’s so tempting to go to 1 crutch.  There is no pain when I put the weight down which is amazing!  Although I kinda sorta used one crutch yesterday (Don’t tell my PTs!!) to go to a natural food store to load up on my gluten free foods.  (Yes another annoying part of my life).  If my PTs do end up reading this I will confess I used the cart as my other crutch.  Now see doesn’t that make you feel better.  Although funny story about my first shopping trip….I parked in my handicapped spot (which I get to do till June 30 almost 3 weeks after I’m full weight baring and FYI I’m going to enjoy every minute of it even if I get death stares from the Grandparents of the world who wanted that parking spot!) and hobbled to the front of the store.  Just as I was about 10 feet from the door a car dropped off a man who was on crutches too.  We had that awkward staring contest, and then we both smiled and hobbled in to the store at the same time.  Gotta say it was hard to get the sympathy looks when I was only using 1 crutch and a cart while this guy was on 2 and had a boot on his foot.  All in all it was a good first trip to the store by myself.  When I got back into the car I texted my husband, “YES I did it myself!!”  It’s the small victories in life right now, and it’s progress.  

The Mental Side….

I want to write about the mental side of this surgery, something in which cannot be fully understood unless you have traveled the same road.  Not being able to walk without the aid of crutches for 3 months sounds annoying on paper, but is also depressing and painful in real life.  So much so I need to give myself a pep talk almost every morning that this too will be over at some point and I pray that my knee will be healed.  I can no longer jump out of bed to go do things or retrieve something.  Every one of my steps has to be planned out and I have to look for obstacles in my way that would trip me up.  And forget carrying anything for a great distance.  I have figured out how to stuff my clothes with things (thanks to my adult sippy cup and the aid of zip lock backs to carry food!).  My back pack also helps me get things from one room to another which is a great help even though I look like a college student cramming for finals.

My husband said it best, “In what way does it make sense to cut someone open to make them better?”  They have to rip open my skin to see what is hiding in the depths.  And after they do this there are no guarantees that my knee will fully recover, just good odds.  Every day I look at my scar and try to imagine all the things the doctors have done to my knee just underneath the surface to bring healing.  I cannot see what they have done, I can only feel the painful effects and hope on the promise of healing and new life. 

Isn’t this just like my relationship with my Creator?  Sometimes I feel I do not see Him in my life, but He is always just underneath my surface.  And I am reminded that He is working because of my scars I bear for Him.  I feel pain of the fire as He refines and molds me.  He has to cut me open and expose my hidden sinful depths before I can begin the long process of changing my character.  He promises healing and new life just as my doctors have for my knee, but praise the Lord He has better odds than my knee recovery does!   Healing from this is not easy, I have to do the work to get to my end goal.  I cannot sit back and “let” life happen.  I have to be an active participant in my life and make the hard decisions to keep going.  It is very painful, but I am not alone.  You are not alone. 

Surrounding me is great support during this strange stage of my life, and I want to thank every one of them.  Thank you for reminding me that this too shall pass, and I will be stronger because of it.        

For today this blog serves as my pep talk, that as of now (almost 2 months in) I cannot walk without crutches but I will soon.   

Resurrection of Fuzzy – Week 7

This has been my first week without my beloved CPM machine, aka Fuzzy.  The upside of this is I have more time to myself that isn't spent in my bed.  This week was another first; I dropped down to just 2 days of rehab a week.  And the last first of this week…….drum roll please….my flexion has dropped from 127 last week to a measly 115 both Monday and Thursday.  So needless to say this week has been a bad week for my knee.  It’s been a great week for my attitude and general outlook on my life during this rehab time.  Two steps forward, 1 step back. L 

However all the upsets I did received the news today that Fuzzy has been resurrected and someone will drop him off to my house tomorrow!  I’ve missed him so much!  I wonder how much he has changed over the past week??  I know I’ve dropped 4 lbs and am totally excited to tell him all about it!  Haha ok I’m not that excited but at this point I’m willing to do whatever it takes to regain motion and strength of my leg.  I will not CPM the whole day like before…I’ve gotten used to having a life this week and I don’t want to give that up, but I will do it for like 4 hours a day in hopes to get my flexion back up. 

My horrible flexion number also means I’ll be going back to 3x a week for rehab.  And I'm just sure Chris and Melissa miss me and I don’t want to disappoint them. :)  I think they think I’m a hot mess because today I had a fight with the bike machine in which I lost and hobbled away bleeding.  Seriously Chris had to put on a Band-Aid on and everything!  He also decided to wear gloves while doing it....haha not much action on the PT floor I guess.  Then when I got set up on the weight machine my crutches fell and made the loudest noise!!  I just smiled and apologized to the onlookers.  At this point I think nothing I do surprises my PTs or fellow rehabers (is that a word?).

One Ugly Leg & Death of Fuzzy - Week 6

I can’t even believe 6 weeks have passed since my ACI.  I’m halfway done with wearing my brace, praise the lord!!  And after 6 weeks I have myself ONE UGLY LEG!!  I believe that after the 12 weeks are done I will have nothing of a leg to speak of.  Let’s recap the damage this surgery has done on my leg and body…you know just for fun.  First, my calf is about a 1” smaller than the other one, which is great if I was going for that sexy unsymmetrical look.  My knee itself however has eaten that one inch my calf lost making it bigger than the other one, which helps to show off the 5” scar that I now have.  To go along with the size issue, color difference seems to be a factor as well.  As long as my braced leg is even with my body or higher my legs are the same color.  It’s when I decide to go crazy and try, you know like to CRUTCH around a bit then it turns blue.  Next is the weight gain…which so far has been 10lbs…good thing I lost 10lbs before the surgery so I guess I’m back where I started!

Yesterday at rehab I was able to ride the bike!!!  I have been going to rehab early so I can ride the bike, but I wasn’t using my braced leg.  I get some looks while my right good leg and arms are pumping away, yet my braced leg is resting.  Oh well I need to get my burn on somehow!  But now I was able to use my braced leg and do a full rotation, and with almost no pain.  It’s not pain as much as a massive stretch along the knee.  I also got to put 25% of my weight on my braced leg as I walked with crutches.  That is when I learned that I gained 10 lbs, very sad moment L.  Oh well I can’t dwell on that because it has been very nice to eat anything and everything in sight J…ah simple things in life.  Can’t say putting 25% on my leg is helping my mobility much, but it’s progress.  I'm also up to 127 on my bend...and that came with a side of screaming at the end along with an apology to everyone at rehab for disturbing them.  I think I saw my PTs next patient trying to leave after that from fear!!  Haha Just kidding, but wouldn’t that be funny!

The other huge thing going on right now is that FUZZY IS DEAD!!  I feel like I should say a word, or have a moment of silence for him………(silence)……………Ok that was good enough.  I no longer have to use my CPM machine 6 hours of the day.  Today (Saturday) is the first day without it and my knee is more stiff than normal so I have been dangling more to help with that.  I have to say that since I no longer have to CPM (yes I’m using it as a verb now) I’m not sure what to do with my free time.  Now if I lay in bed 6 hours in the daytime, I’m just considered lazy.  I had thought about going to the gym to ride the bike, but then thought I would totally freak out everyone b/c I would be crutching in to workout…oh well I still might (probably) do that anyways.  I love the shock value J. 

Now that I’m out and about more, people seem to want to talk to me about my leg and share their stories about their surgeries or family member’s surgeries.  Walmart people and waitresses seem to be the chattiest.  And apparently everyone’s mom or dad has had a knee replacement!  This is just another example how this surgery is similar to being pregnant…however praise the Lord people aren’t just coming up and touching my knee like they do stomachs of pregnant ladies.  SO AWKARD!!  Personal space people! 

I’m a Big Kid Now! - Week 5 Rehab

As much as I hate that this song is now in my head, and I have images of kiddos in pull ups learning to potty train stuck there too – it is how I am feeling right now.  Friday will mark 5 weeks since my ACI, and I’m not saying that I’m all grown up now, but it’s progress people.  Growing pains are part of this stage as well, since I feel like I should be able to do more things, then suddenly realizing that I am very mistaken!!  For example I went to a client’s house for an appointment.  (I’m an interior designer…well I’m a gimpy one right now.  And no there are no discounts on my hourly fee just b/c I’m on crutches!!)  Well I stayed much longer than my knee wanted me to and I paid dearly for it!  My knee was burning while I drove home.  That’s right as of this week I’ve been driving myself to rehab and to get Taco Bell!!  Oh sweet freedom!  I no longer feel like I’m 15 waiting on my loved ones to drive my gimpy butt to places!  Anyways for all future ACI people DON’T OVER DO IT!  I’m totally at fault for pushing myself, dang my A type personality!

Since I overdid it Tuesday my Wednesdays rehab didn’t go as well as I would have liked.  I’ve been seeing Melissa as my PT this week (it’s musical PTs at my place, I think everyone just wants to work with me J. The more the merrier I say!)  Anyways my flexion was 117 last week and Monday is was 119, but today it was down to 115, what a letdown!  But I upped the weight on the Big Girl weight machines and that’s probably why my knee hurts as I’m typing.  I’m still using my CPM machine and it helps to relieve the stiffness I feel most of the time.  And of course my leg is still locked at 0 degrees 24/7, unless I’m at rehab, using my CPM machine or showering (which I can do by myself now!)  Ice and elevation are my best friends as well as my after rehab naps I’ve grown so found of. 

Next Friday I will be able to put 25% of my weight on my leg.  Which should be interesting because the .01% weight I’m currently putting on it makes the bottom of my foot tingle.  Kinda like when it’s waking up after being asleep.  My PTs say the nerves are just firing up again and will have to get used to having contact with the ground….still a weird feeling and slightly painful sometimes.  2 weeks after that I will be up to do 50%, then 75% two weeks after that.  At 75% that’s when you go to 1 crutch, which means I’ll be able to carry my own drink into the bedroom…oh the little things of life!  That puts my projected walking date at June 8^th depending on how things go of course.

Last weekend (week 4 mark) my husband and I went on our first date since the ACI.  We went out to eat at one of our favorite places, which happens to have a straight shot to a bar table (no pun intended...ok maybe it was) so I could sit down ASAP!  It’s all about the logistics.  We also went to the movies, of course not on the same day as the dinner out, that would require too much energy!  I’ve figured out I can really only do 1 - 2 hour outing a day then I’m toast!  So I better make each outing count!!  

Cabin Fever VS Be Still and Know

Tomorrow will be 4 weeks since my ACI.  Today I’m doing well as far as the cabin fever goes, but last weekend I was very restless.  I am an extrovert, I love people and talking with them (Oh hush, I can hear my friends and family laughing in agreement!).  I found by my 3rd Fuzzy session that I was about to go crazy with anxiety.  I felt I was chained to my CPM machine and it made me scream…literally people not figuratively…ask Brad it wasn’t pretty or my finest moment (ranks up there with nude crutching).  I am thankful for my friends and family who have stopped by, given food, or taken me to get my nails done! (Thanks Bonnie!)  A special thanks to my friend Ricia who has carted my butt all around NWA for church events!  And thanks to Dawn who has stayed and listened to my ramblings many long nights.



The first week was painful, but I was on drugs and just watched TV and movies.  The next week I introduced fiction, because nonfiction was too hard to grasp still without falling asleep.  The 3rd week I was able to studying for my high school youth bible study that I am able to hobble to now.  During the 3rd week I could also get to the restroom by myself as well!!  Amazing feeling!  And as my 4th week comes to an end I am no longer on drugs so nonfiction is back on the table.  I am able to get around better and go on short trips into the real world between my rehab sessions.  But why am I searching to fill my time?


My question is why can’t I be still?  I know I am supposed to be still and just know (Psalm 46:10), but that is harder said than done especially with cabin fever and the anxiety and depression that can come with it.  I remember a few years ago I told one of my high school youth girls (you know who you are!) that they needed to work on being still before God and really listen to what he has to say.  Because only when we are still and quiet will he whisper to us.  For the Lord is in the whisper, not the wind, earthquake, or fire as Elijah found out during his depression. (1 Kings 19:11-13) 


Well here I am, needing to tell myself the same thing. (Love and hate it when everything comes back around!)  I guess when we are super busy and we finally take time to slow down and smell the day lilies (who has roses anymore??) we feel like we have really achieved something in our character growth because we have shown we can fit God into our time…how nice of us to fit him in.  But when I am faced with “all the time in the world” it’s like pulling teeth to be still….anything and everything looks good to fill my time with. Distractions, distractions, distractions are what I seek.  It’s about discipline and for this only child it’s also about instant gratification.  I want to know God better right this instant, without paying my dues…which is being still, reading his word and really listening for his whisper. 



So this is my challenge in life and where the Lord has me right now, as much as I don’t want to admit it. (De-Nile is a river in Egypt!)  I have cabin fever, but it is my choice how I will choose to spend this time (Which I know I will never have this again so I better take advantage of it!)  If I am to move on to the next life phase I must be still and know that He is Lord and not miss his whispers.  All prayers are appreciated!  

Crutching Nude & Big Girl Exercises

In 2 days it will have been 4 weeks since my ACI.  That in itself deserves applause…and an award of some kind!  I wouldn't say life is getting back to normal, unless you think crutching in the nude is normal.  (Which by the way is not sexy!...but sadly necessary)  Brad said it best when he said, “Hey looks like you are getting around a little better”.  So that’s where I am…getting around a little better.  Still it’s progress!  I am still doing my CPM machine 6-8 hours a day, why they even give you a time frame is ridiculous to me because everyone knows one only does the minimum 6 hours!! I still do the at home rehab exercises 2x a day, and icing 5-6x a day as well.  3x a week I go to my rehab place and on Friday I get to use my tipy toe for balance!!  I know that means nothing to you, but for me it means I no longer will fear losing my balance and falling over when trying to brush my teeth.  And no I’m not kidding…I don’t kid about tipy toes!

Today Mr. Chris said I was going to do “Big Girl” exercises.  And instead of taking that as an insult to my ever growing waist line, I choose to see it as MORE PROGRESS!  I actually broke a sweat today!!  I got to use a new weight machine (haven’t the foggiest clue to the name of the machine, I just know I saw a Razorback basketball player using last week so now I think I’m tuff stuff!)   I did go to rehab 15 min early to ride the bike…of course my left leg was propped up and I only peddled with my right leg and used my arms, it still felt great to actually work out a bit.  Chris said I could come early anytime to work out and that would help with my urges to want to go mental on my caregivers and friends.  Sorry Brad, Mom, Dad, Karen, and Ricia…I’ve been a bit stir crazy and feel I need to apologize…but progress because I now have a way to vent my pinned up energy, praise the lord!!  Chris also said I could start driving on my own!!  Ok well he didn't so much as come out and say that as I begged, pleaded and gave him 50 bucks for him to tell my mom that I could.  I feel 15 about to turn 16 all over again since I can drive on my own now!!!  Who needs a ride people??!

My quad muscle is still on vacation.  I think I saw it move about an 1/8 of an inch today, but only twice and it took so much concentration I got a headache!  It also wore me out so I took a nap.  Gesh I’m out of shape!! I will continue to work on that because quite frankly having one atrophied leg is not a sexy look!  Especially since my family booked a cruise yesterday for later in the year!!!  I need my legs to be the same size as I then will hopefully walk without a limp across the pool deck showing off my 5" scar!  Note to future ACI patients….have an amazing vacation planned 7-9 months from your surgery date so there is something to look forward.  Also try to not have 3 surgeries in 6 months, because it’s a killer on the quad!

Week 3 Rehab

Rehab protocol for an ACI patient is the same as the advice given by Mr. Turtle.  Slow and steady wins the race.  Speaking of races (bad segue I know, I’m on Demerol today people so give me a break!) part of the pitch doctors use to get suckers (oops I mean patients) to agree to an ACI is that you will be able to run a marathon because your knee will feel so much better.  I say forget the marathon, I’ll take their word for it that my knee could survive one, and I’ll be happy with walking up the stairs with no pain!  Anyways I digress, back to rehab with Mr. Chris at my doctor’s office.  (I told him I was going to write about him!)

Chris (also known as my “Kind Torturer” because he really is a nice guy, but he did make me cry a bit during yesterday’s session) starts off my rehab with what is called dangling, where I literally hang my leg off the table at a 90 degree angle.  This exercise is to help with my flexion and as a bonus makes my new forming scar stretch and feel funny.  FYI the areas around the scar are numb, which they say is normal, but it feels (or doesn’t feel) really weird.  We then move on to the stair exercise, in which today I raised my foot off the ground and up to the 18” step….that’s really good because last week I was only on the 6” step.  Baby steps right?!  I then do a weight machine to help with…well I’m not sure what it exactly helps, but I’m taking Chris’s word that it does.  Then we begin the real torture….recording my flexion.  A process that requires Chris to push back on my knee while in the dangling position as far as I can bear it and then takes the measurement.  Today I was at 115 yay go me.  Next my quad muscle gets electrocuted, which is not a fun feeling but quite fun to say.  It’s to help my poor hibernated quad to come out and play, something it does not want to do after 3 surgeries in the last 6 months.  Next we ice, which is one of my favorite parts…ok ok it’s my only actual favorite part -  the rest is mandatory and much needed to get me back to running my marathons right?  I do love talking to all the PTs and other patients...that scar and tell thing is addicting!

Post Op #2

Ok back to my regular scheduled blogging.

Today was my first time to meet with my doctor after my ACI.  (Remember he was on the beach during my first! Or at least that’s where I’m imagining him to be.) It was a short appointment, well the actual appointment was short, the waiting time was much longer.  Oh well good time to chat with people in the 2^nd waiting room (that’s right they have a 2 waiting room system, my doctors office is bigger than yours!).  Nothing brings strangers together more than dishing about their wounds and playing scar and tell.  I was about 30 years younger than most of my fellow patients today yet I’ve had at least double the surgeries.  (4 scopes and 1 ACI)  Good times.

The doctor said my scar was healing well and I just needed to stay on the program my PT has set for me.  For all those who care I did ask him about why he used a porcine graft instead of my own tissue.  His answer was that Carticel and the graft are from different companies and therefore don’t market themselves together.  But reps for both “products” do suggest combining them.  There are several studies that show the benefits of the porcine graft, a major one being  that a post ACI scope is not as likely because of overgrowth of my cells. (Which I did read before my ACI, however did not discuss with my doctor, or at least I don’t remember talking with him about it.  It’s been a long process and so some details might have escaped me!)  Either way I’m pleased that I’m part piggy!

Routine

Since my ACI surgery, I've had more time to think and ponder (you can only watch so many movies and read so many books!)  This blog post is different from my other posts, but it's something I've been thinking about.  Enjoy!

It’s funny that in just 13 days after a major knee surgery my life feels normal….or at least a new normal.  I asked Brad if he was tired of helping me and he said, “No not really, we have a pretty good routine down now”.  A routine?  In just 13 days we have a routine down, which means a sequence of actions regularly followed; a fixed program.  Why is it that as human beings we crave routine?  We love the same things to happen over and over again.  Someone famous said (which of course I don’t know who!) that the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.  So if we demand a fixed program in our lives so we can feel normal, what do we expect the results of that to be?  Some would say they expect their lives to be easier when they follow a routine. So the longer they are on a routine the easier their life will be, which means each day they expect their results to be better, ie a different or improved result from doing the same thing over and over again.  Isn’t that by definition, insane?   

Maybe it’s not crazy?  Maybe it’s our motives behind why we do our routines that is insane.  Let’s take another perspective like my knee rehab for instance.  Every day I have to do the same thing over and over again.  Three times a day for two hours I hang out with Fuzzy my CPM machine.  Then two times a day I have to do my at home exercises which take 30 minutes each time.  Added to this I ice my knee after every event (for those of you who are counting that’s 5 times a day of icing) which takes another 30 minutes.  From this routine I expect my knee to get better, which praise the Lord I have seen small improvements!  (FYI, I can now lift my foot to the second step on the stairs instead of the first!)  So why do I do this routine?  I do it because I want to walk one day and improve my quality of life.  Why do others do their routine, why do you do your routine? 

Some might do it to improve their quality of life, but others do it so that there is something in their lives that they can control. The normal life they crave which is achieved through routine is all done in vain in order to control their surroundings so that nothing bad (or good for that matter) will surprise them.  It’s how they were raised and how they plan to raise their children.  Be safe, do a routine forever and control your surroundings so your fear will be at bay.  I know this well because I myself am a controller. 

For one of the first times in my life I am still.  I have no real job besides rehab and that leaves plenty of time for thinking and pondering my life and what I want to do next with it.  But unlike a lot of people’s routine, I know my rehab routine is temporary, and the end result is that I will walk again with less pain.  I just pray that when I can walk again I don’t slide back into crazy where I do my daily planned activities expecting an improved result; which really just means I feebly attempt to control my anxiety about future unknown events.  Even though I know, “do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand”.  (Isaiah 41:10)

(FYI it was Einstein who I quoted about insanity, thanks Brad! - He is so smart :)

Post Op #1 & Rehab

I meant to write about my first post op appt and the last couple of rehab session a couple days ago, but I’m a busy girl now. J  I spend 7-9 hours a day doing some sort of rehab or recovering from rehab.  I’ve also started to venture outside which is super exciting!  My insurance approved a wheelchair so that has allowed me to go to a lot of places I would not be able to if I had to crutch.  Brad took me to Kohl’s and we wheeled all around, I then became very nauseous (another thing besides the nesting that reminds me that this experience is like being pregnant!).  This morning we went to Wal-Mart and I did really well.  I think the more I get outside the better I’m going to feel, however that pushes the Fuzzy sessions (CPM) very close together which kinda hurts a bit, but it’s worth it to get outside and feel normal.

Ok back to the Title of this Blog, my post opt appt # 1 was pretty uneventful.  I did not see the doctor, he was on a beach somewhere because it was spring break I’ll see him next week.  So I saw his nurse and she said the incision looks good and I’m doing everything I’m supposed to.  Yay go me!  I’ve always been a good student.  I saw my PT and we began the torture, otherwise known as rehab.  There is this one exercise that makes me use my quad muscle and it was the weirdest feeling to consciously tell my quad what it should do and then my quad saying “forget you I’m in hibernation and I don’t like rehab”.  Seriously my leg didn’t move even though I told it too!  I felt paralyzed, and did not like it one bit!  My PT says it will come back slowly, but I’m a girl who likes instant gratification (being an only child and all) so this process will be interesting but not in the fun way.  Oh well this is what I signed up for.  Rehab appt #2 went much better.  Word of advice take your drugs before rehab!!  You will get the best results during and hurt like the dickens afterwards because you pushed your leg so hard.  Then you get to take more drugs and the circle is complete.  I’m hoping in the next week or so I won’t have to keep taking Demerol, but for now I’m on an as needed basis.  

Week 1

So it’s almost been a week (tomorrow to be exact) since my surgery.  Things have been going better than I thought they would.  I did a pretty good job of freaking myself out before the surgery.  The internet can be a dangerous thing when you read all about ACI and what is involved in the process.  However, I’m happy to report my fears were greater than reality, which in most cases is true.  Since I’ve been home I’ve watched a ton of movies and TV shows and not read one single book that I picked out!  Reading and writing take forever when you are on drugs.  Your mind has a hard time concentrating and retaining words and ideas.  So the boob tube wins for now. 

Oh and I forgot to talk about how amazing the Leg Lifter is!!  I know everyone was waiting in suspense!  It’s such a simple tool, two loops connected by a metal enforced strap, but it makes it so much easier to get out of bed and get out of your leg brace and into the CPM machine (Continuous Passive Motion).  Oh wow I haven’t even introduced everyone to the CPM machine aka Fuzzy.  I call it Fuzzy because the lining of the machine where it holds your leg is very fuzzy like sheep’s wool and makes my foot really sweaty so I must remember to wear a sock or Fuzzy will get renamed Stinky!  I have to have my leg in this for 6-8 hours a day. (3 sessions of 2-2.5 hours each)

SHOWERING

My first shower was on Monday (Surgery + 3 days) and it was quite an event, glad I wasn’t selling tickets for it.  Looking back I think I would choose to be stinky a bit longer.  But I had my MIL and good friend coming to “Amy Sit” on Tuesday and I didn’t want them to have to plug their nose when they entered my studio apartment.  That what I call our master bedroom, because somehow my husband (Brad) and I were able to shove a futon and recliner in to it so I would have different seating options and others could hang out with me on this journey.  Ok back to the shower, it was really hard to figure out how to begin.  Normally you disrobe step in, then presto you are taking a shower.  Not for the ACI patient, you can’t even disrobe by yourself!  My shower is just that, a shower…not a tub so it’s even more difficult to figure out.  But Brad and I talked through our game plan and tried unsuccessfully Plan A, which was to sit on the built in shower sit and use the other shower seat (which is really just a plastic bench, that holds 300 lbs, so we are goodJ).  Plan B went much better which was to just sit on the shower bench and use the built in as shelf for the shampoo and stuff.  Garbage bags encased my huge leg brace and the shower curtain was used as a water shield.  It was all too much effort for S + 3 days and by the time I was done I was exhausted!

DRUGS

Ok let’s talk about drugs, (say nope to dope kids) unless you are an ACI patient.  Since I am allergic to Hydrocodone, which by the way, is in like EVERY DRUG!  They gave me Demerol instead (good stuff) and Ultram (Tramadol) (which is made by little green people who carry around itching powder.  At least that’s who I see and how I feel when I take those crazy pills!  Ultram = BAD!)  I started taking the drugs even though my pain block was still in effect, so I could “get ahead of the pain” as they say.  It’s like you are running a race with the pain and you have to be faster, which seems weird because as an ACI patient you can’t even use your big toe to balance yourself.  Ok here’s the breakdown of my medication.

S Day =        1- Demerol every 3 hours while awake, then one pill at 2 am to get through the night

S Day +1  = 1- Demerol every 3.5 hours while awake, then one pillow at 2:30am

                      1 Asprin in the morning – Helps with blood clots

                      2 antibiotics (morning, evening)                        

                      2 probiotics (morning, evening) Helps keep the good bacteria in your stomach from being               depleted which helps in digestion and yeast control. 

                      1 – Ultram 2 times this day spread apart by 3 hours….TORTURE!!

S Day + 2 -4 = Same as above expect I didn’t take any during the night.  And added Ibuprofen as needed. And got rid of the Ultram.

S Day +5 = I only took 2 Demerols total  - One in the morning and one after my first PT appt.

And as of today S Day + 6, I've only taken Ibuprofen for pain.  I know by tonight I will have to have a Demerol, but I’m trying to not take as many drugs because they make me so dizzy and I don’t want to become an addict and end up on the show Intervention….I’ve got enough problems with just dealing with my knee people! 

 

The Big “S” Day

My surgery was scheduled for 10 am on Friday 3/16, therefore putting me at the hospital at 8 am.  I checked into the front desk and was given my “designer” hospital bracelet and was told to sign some paperwork.  Next I was taken to the surgery prep room where I got my IV and leg cleaned and prepared for the surgery.  Of course once the nurse was done, my bladder decided it needed to be emptied again.  So I'm betting that everyone has seen or at least has heard of people walking around with the gown untied in the back showing the world their bum….well that almost happened to me!  First, you look like a hot mess when you get prepared for surgery.  Your hair could rival your elementary lunch ladies with the super cute hair net they give you, then add your leg which is orange because they cleaned it with iodine making it look like a spray tan gone wrong.  Added to this hot mess was me trying to carry my IV bag and then almost forgetting to hold my gown closed in the back!  I remembered my gown was untied just as a cold draft hit my backside, thankfully I had not left my curtained off area so not no one saw!

Next the anesthesiologist came in to see what type of cocktail to give me; of course I said I wanted top shelf drugs, because I get very sick after surgery without them.  If you have never had surgery, trust me just let them give you the full scope of anti-nausea drugs.  My first surgery in 2002 they did not give me anything and I was vomiting for the first 10 hours I was home, plus trying to heal from the scope.

Then my surgeon came to talk to me and my family (Dr. Chris Arnold, Fayetteville AR) and described the ACI procedure.  He also surprised me by saying he was not going to use my own tissue graft for the periosteal flap.  Instead he would be using porcine graft instead. (Yay I’m part pig now!  My vegan cousin will never look at me the same again.)  That was news to me since prior to surgery he was going to use my own tissue.  I will have to do more research and ask him questions about why he chose that route when I have my first post op appointment on Wednesday.  The surgery itself was only 1.5 hours, which is much less than what I expected and my incision is only 4-5”. Click on the link to see a pic of my knee...not for the weak at heart, but it's not as bad as one would think. (Picture of my knee - S + 2days)   I’ve read other ACI blogs and they average more on the 3-4 hours for surgery and 6-10” incisions.  This might have something to do with not using my own tissue for the flap, another question for the doctor on Wednesday. 

Another unexpected but pleasant event was I went home the day of surgery.  An hour in the recovery room was all the hospital time I spent, which again is contrast to other blogs I’ve read where they write about 24-48 hours in the hospital to manage pain levels.  I do know that I got a nerve block and therefore the first 24 hours after surgery were more or less pain free, but there is always a feeling of pressure around my knee.  However, I could feel pinches of pain when I twisted my knee the wrong way which can spike the pain to a 9 really fast.  Note to self, don’t twist the knee!  Once the block wore off the pain increased, but so did my meds and so far I have been able to keep the pain between 3-5 on the pain scale. Except for a few hours my second night home, my pain increased to an 8-9 so my husband gave me another pill and then my brain went a bit crazy.  I remember hearing someone moaning and I felt so bad for that person, then I realized I WAS MOANING!  It was a weird out of body experience.  I also felt like I had just walked into Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory because my brain was high as a kite and I was seeing crazy colors.  Bless my poor husband who got up with me every couple of hours to check on me and help me get to the bathroom.  I’ve got more I would love to write about, but the next round of drugs have started to kick in so spelling, grammar and the ability to write coherently will start to decrease.  

Pre "S" Day

Leading up to “S” Day

So “S” Day was Friday 3/16/2012 (Surgery Day).  Sorry I’m just now updating my blog, it’s been an interesting couple of days.  First let me start with the week leading up to the ACI, I was a basket case and felt paralyzed with fear of the unknown.  You can read all about the ACI surgery and never truly feel like you have a handle on the events to come.  Now I’ve never been pregnant, but some of my friends said what I was feeling was very similar to nesting.  The need for my house to be very clean and organized was very strong before my surgery.  To the rescue was my mom, mother in law and great friend who came over and helped me clean my house.  Praise the Lord for them, because it helped me get things right in my head before my S Day.  So for all you future ACI patients…clean your house ASAP!  And for everyone else, clean your house anyways!!  Also I have no words to describe how amazing my husband has been through this whole ordeal, so patience and calm.  This is exactly what I need because under stress I’ve been known to be bit high strung. 

Just to update you on my bathroom business (because I know you were dying from anticipation), my MIL (Mother in Law) ended up buying all the riser supplies that were mentioned in the previous post.  I am very grateful for her and her ability to buy those items with pride.  She also bought me the best thing an ACI patient could get, the almighty “LEG LIFTER” (insert chorus of angels singing). I’ll elaborate more on this amazing invention later.

The Checklist

The Checklist

I am 5 weeks out from surgery and it is really becoming more real.  I'm starting to think about all the things I need to do before my surgery, which starts to give me a panic attack so my list making must begin stat!

From reading other blogs I've decided to buy the following items:

Toilet Seat Riser - Yes that's TMI but it's a must I've read!

 Leg Lifter – So you have a hope and prayer of getting to the toilet seat riser.

Toilet Safety Rails – So when you get to the riser you don't fall off!

 Lysol wipes - to clean your riser

 Body wipes - to clean your stinky self

 Face wipes - see above

Rubbing alcohol - to get iodine and other crap off your leg.

                      Ice cooling system - to so you don't have silly ice bags leak on you.

It’s amazing how much in common I have with the elderly.  I’m thinking about ordering all these products online, b/c I can’t imagine they will have a big enough brown paper bag to fit all the items in b/c I don’t want others to see what I’m buying.  I guess I should just hold my head up and buy them all with pride, and of course lie my pants off and tell anyone with a curious eye that I’m being a good Samaritan and buying the items for my elderly neighbor.

      

I will keep everyone posted and let you know if I actually used all of these things and if anything else made the list!  For the next project I will begin a massive hunt for every dust bunny in my house!  I want this place to be clean clean clean.  I'm guessing this is what nesting feels like to new moms.  I just want everything to be in its place before a bunch of people start to invade my house, excuse me I meant start to come visit me J.  (Hint Hint = come visit me! But call first b/c I might be on my way to my seat riser!) 

The Journey Begins...

Hello friends, family and random strangers. Thank you for reading and following my blog as I take you with me on my journey for a new knee. 

Let me start with how I got myself here and what kind of surgery I’m going to have March 16th.  I played fast-pitch softball as far back as I can remember and since I don’t play anymore I’ll brag a little bit and say I was pretty good…so good I banged up my left knee and now have a 2 cm x 2 cm hole in my cartilage.  Yay go me for stealing all those bases which required me to slide all the time!  Anyways…I digress…so here I am after all those years of softball compounded with the fact that I like to ski and workout (those don’t go well with having a bad knee!).  In total I’ve had 4 scopes on my left knee.  The ones in 2002 and 2008 where to clean up my cartilage since as the doctor said “my cartilage looked like a cheese grater got a hold of it” (gross I know sorry about that I didn’t even give a gross factor warning!  I will for future).

 

ACI means autogenous cartilage implantation and yes I’m willingly signing up for this very scifi procedure.  The full breakdown can be found at http://www.carticel.com/patients/treatment.aspx.  Carticel is the company does the ACI and it requires a two step process.  First is the “harvest”, which I had 12/23/2011.  This is an arthroscopic procedure where they take cartilage samples (2 – tic tac shaped pieces) and overnight them to Cambridge Massachusetts where they begin the sci fi process of cloning my cells in a test tube.  It kind of feels weird that there is a part of me that is in Massachusetts, yet the majority of me has never been there.  Ok moving on, the next stage is where they open up my knee (5-7” scar…good thing my Miss America days are over) and they inject my multiplied cells back into my knee where the hole is at.  Ok so now you have the low down and everyone is up to speed.

As I’ve tried to prepare the last few months for this surgery I’ve read a lot of websites, but I have found that the best things to read were other’s blogs.  They gave me the best information on what to really expect and everyone who wrote a blog said it helped them keep sane during the long rehab process.  So welcome to my blog.  I hope it helps those who are facing the same situation I now find myself in, and in the process I get to update my friends and family.